Men with recyclable shopping bags

Okay, I'm as "green" as the next person but I have to draw the line at taking recycled bags back to the store to be used again especially by the pairless. Men, we were and to some extent now (in a more modern civilized manner) responsible for plundering and pillaging, NOT carrying wrinkled used paper bags or worse, pretty designed purchased shopping bags back to the store to carry our groceries home. I know the type. You drive a hybrid, wear crocs and are a member of Oprah's book club.

There is a dress somewhere with your name on it.

It's the kind of thing that just makes you wanna walk up to a guy who is a perfect stranger and  say, excuse me, this is for your own good as you take his pile of bags from underneath his less than masculine arm and flail on him with the heavy end! The piece de resistance to the whole recycled shopping bag fiasco, is that little slip they give you to sign in the chance you can win a raffle for being a good green citizen. Really? The only thing you're doing with any certainty is holding up the checkout line while you write your name on that tiny piece of paper with your pinky extended thinking how wonderful you are much to the dismay and ire of real men waiting in line to pay for their steak and kill another tree by getting a fresh bag. You wanna recycle something? Start with your pair!

Dana White: Man's Man!

When you listen to Dana White, the UFC's face man and reason we have access to the best MMA fighters in the World (GSP, Anderson Silva, Chuck Liddell) you get the feeling this guy dosn't care about recycling, drive a hybrid or rent chick flicks. He is the real deal, much like Holyfield.

Let's use the RMC (Real Man Checklist);

Swears in public  - check
Hates Whiners - check
Calls out other men on their crap - check
Doesn't make excuses or apologizes - check
Will probably punch you in the face if you piss him off - check and mate!

Let the record show that Dana White DOES NOT need to Grow-a-pair*

Howie Mandel...Man-up!

Seriously Howie, the pooch you are so desperately afraid of is a five pound mound of nothingness. Adding insult to your already injured lack-of-manly persona is that this is YOUR dog! Augh, what are you thinking? I have to put you in the pair-less elite. This is sheer comedy! Comparing your spoiled chihuahua Lola to a Bengal tiger with that Siegfried and Roy comment is probably the funniest you've been in years. Can Caesar save Howie from a yapping lapdog with a superiority complex? Or does Howie need to be walked around the block with Caesar making that "phsst" sound every time Howie wets himself from fear. Honestly, any guy walking around in "fear of his life" (his own words) of a dog that at best could serve as a appetizer for a real dog, has definitely lost the use of his pair. Nothing more to say here except, yeah, Grow-a-pair*!

*Not necessarily the fruit

Order the gift that keeps on giving. G-a-p* is only $9.95 plus shipping and handling. Visit us on Ebay, keyword, Grow-a-pair.

Lenny Kravitz...Pairless? Why?

The funny thing or should I say funnier thing about this photo of the man formerly known as effortlessly sexy (essence.com) is that there is a bubble on the boots. Call me ridiculous but I'm thinking the shawl and the purse are just as damaging to his perceived manliness (or lack thereof) as the shoes! What could have possibly caused Lenny to not only lose his mind but also his pair? This guy was the consummate rock star complete in every respect from the music to the women. Now, instead of attracting ladies and getting them to throw their panties at him, there is a good chance he is now wearing them. Is he peace-ing out the photographer or is he offering (in thousands of dollars) a bribe to the paparazzi not to take the photo.  The hero to many a men has been reduced to, well, needing to Grow-a-pair*. 

Grow-a-pair*: Maiden Voyage

Maiden Voyage

On this, the first blog for G-a-p*, otherwise known as Grow-a-pair* is an introduction to the thought process behind the product. This blog is dedicated to the less than manly individual who perhaps through no fault of his own is completely void of any hint of manliness. Why? Because he needs to grow a pair. This blog will take the time to reveal historically pairlessmen and how their contemporary counterparts are doing their part to carry on this shameful trend of reducing the men to glorified babysitters and fantasy league fanatics.
Real men (and women) need to read this blog and realize how those who have the affliction of pairless-ness paralyze our society and affect us directly. Think about it, there must be someone that you perhaps come across on a daily basis that you think to yourself, “man, that guy needs to man-up.” Do you realize he is NOT the only one like him (and I use the word him lightly because it implies someone manly) and that in the vast numbers in which they exist, affect our society in ways we have not thought about until now?
Imagine a world where everybody had a healthy pair! You would not see guys carrying recyclable bags into the grocery store, men driving hybrid vehicles 54 ½ miles per hour in the HOV lane or lame supervisors writing you up for using the office copier for a few personal copies. My personal opinion is real men just don’t care about the mundane or remedial. Having a real pair means dealing with issues that really make a difference – family, friends etc. Print out a book for all I care! I’d rather think about muscle cars.
There really is a clear distinction between what is inherently male and what is inherently female. Real men are logical and sensible and think in terms of the big picture and ALWAYS want to “fix it.” Pairless “men” are more emotional thinkers complete with sensitivity and a box of tissue on their desk. These individuals make you want to slap them to remind them your 2 year old whines less than they do!
These “men” take on many different roles in our society – police officers, teachers, politicians (wow), lawyers (wow again) real estate agents (did I say wow?) bankers, the list goes on and on and I’ve already used wow 3 times. This blog is here to bring light to these insidious dismantlers of all things manly. Each week, I will expose another man sans pair and his affect on the World as we know it.




Order the gift that keeps on giving. G-a-p* is only $9.95 plus shipping and handling. Visit us on Ebay, keyword, Grow-a-pair.